THE MEATY VEGAN RUNS

 

10: The Dialogue That Is A Monol0gue, Really

March 2018

I eat a good breakfast full of protein and fibres, then wait an hour and fifteen minutes before I mindfully start to warm up; I make an iskiate drink that’ll give me the energy to move on; I have a new phone with a functioning battery and all the useful apps are running while all the distracting ones have been shut off; iTunes is waiting with a perfect running playlist, I’m all set to run 12k today.

My friend calls. We’re on the phone for two hours straight. By the time I go out, I’m so hungry, my run’s a disaster. 

Now, to be clear, every start of my runs is disastrous. I hate the first kilometre. I absolutely loathe it. Like an abusive boyfriend, my mind goes through these exact same gaslighting techniques every fucking time:



Ugh, running. Are we seriously doing this again? 

Ignoring the voice |

Why are you doing this again? 

Hey? Hey? Hey? Hey? Chris? Hello? Chris? Hey? Chris? Hello? 
Why are you doing this again? It’s not a rhetorical question. 
I’m just curious. I’ve forgotten. Why are you running?
 

| It clears my head. |

So you’ve got a full head and THIS is how you treat yourself?
I don’t know, it sounds like you could use a break more than you could use the fatigue.


| I need to train for the half-marathon. |

I need to. I have to. I must."
Sounds very healthy, indeed!


Ignoring the voice |

Isn’t the half-marathon still like…
weeks away? Months, even?


Ignoring the voice |

I just don’t quite understand why you’d prioritize running
over a pizza
or curry noodles
or cassave chips
or Tony Chocolonely’s dark almond sea salt chocolate-


| Shut the fuck up. |

I understand you’re hungry, but there’s no need to get aggressive.

Evy tells me that at this moment, I’ve been running for 5 minutes |

Five minutes already! 
That’s GREAT! You can almost stop.
Isn’t there scientific proof that if you want to get in shape, 7 minutes of workout a day will suffice?


| Maybe, but not if you’re train- |

You’re ALMOST at 7 minutes.
Why don’t you go home and reward yourself with an episode of Crazy ExGirlfriend?
COME ON. You know you want it.


| No. |

Hooey!
I know you want it. Cause you’re a good girl…


| I HATE THAT SONG |

know.


The bad news: the voice is here to stay.
The good news: it stays only for the first 7 minutes. It dies down without me even noticing, somewhere between hitting the 1k-point and slaloming through bikes and cars to cross the road. 
The best news: nothing is as exhausting as this perpetual inner dialogue, not even training for a half-marathon. And I’ve been living with that voice for quite some time now, so I think I can handle a bit of run training.  

Today, though, it’s different. The monologue doesn’t die down. After 3 kilometres, I give up.

As I slowly make my way home, I expect it to rage about my resign, but there’s nothing. I try its criticism for size. “You’re such a quitter";  “You will never make it to 21k”, it goes. But the words evaporate like smoke from a dead match. 

I come home, shower, eat something fairly unhealthy which I fairly enjoy, and I write down: 6 k interval training, in a slow pace, with lots of walks in between. 

The Voice: Silencing Edition. 
Now eat that

 

The Meaty Vegan is chronologizing her attempts at not eating anything animal while undergoing the bestial challenge of training for a half-marathon. ‘The Meaty Vegan Ran’ is from 2017, and the ‘The Meaty Vegan Runs’ covers 2018 and forward. You can find an overview here

Would you like to stay tuned for updates? Sign up for my newsletter. 

Who?


I can and I will probably write about you. But I will name you differently. No correspondence will be entered in respect of this name-giving. You'll just have to deal with it.

Loading Conversation